We went to Klub Layden tonight for a Spring Equinox celebration. A lot of the kinksters in this area are pagan, wiccan or other alternative religions and it never fails to amaze me when we get together and I see the different things and feelings my friends bring. Tonight there was a lot of good discussion on a variety of topics as sage and sweetgrass burned and people wrote letters and offerings to be burned later in the evening.
I took letters and drawings and writings from a past love for the fire. I have written about her before, and how badly it ended. It should have been forever and then some but it wasnt and I have been angry for a long time now about that. I put aside friends and family for this girl. I spent time with her that was meant for other people and I suffered loss because of it. Sure, a lot of what happened was my fault for allowing myself to fall so very hard and fast, I admit that. But a lot of it wasnt. It should have been so much more.
Tonight was my time to let that go. As I watched the pages, drawing and even the envelopes burn I thought about her. I cried a little, Im not sure if I was sad for what could have been or what was. Probably a little of both. I feel better now though. I feel lighter, as if I was carrying something and finally have set it down.
It feels good.
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