Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes!

 The girl and I have been talking a lot lately. Whatever it was that gummed up our communication works has broken and the words and thoughts and communication is flowing in fucking torrents now.

This is very good.

Life changing stuff is being discussed. She and I spent a few hours in the park Sunday and basically rethought our whole relationship, everything from our BDSM dynamic to our style and brand of Polyamory to what and who we want to be for each other. We had a wonderful walk through the woods while discussing all of this and it felt so good to be reconnecting, both to my girl and to nature.

Big items:

1. Im not going to be her Dominant anymore. Im not even sure I have a Dominant of any real variety within me at this point or if I ever have. I can barely take care of myself, I would be doing anyone else a huge mis-service if I tried to take care of them in this manner and thought I could be good at it.
2. The girl is thinking of trying to find a Mistress to help keep her together and on task and give her what she needs structurally BDSM-wise. She and I are still going to play together and not a lot will change other than someone else taking over the Dominant role in her life. Both of us feel that this will strengthen the bond between us and our relationship.
3. We are going to continue being Poly. Polyamory has opened up a whole new world for us and made our relationship much better and stronger as a benefit. We communicate better, a must in the poly world, we are spending better and more quality time together and we have made minor changes here and there to things in our relationship that we didnt even know needed changing. Overall we are better off for trying it and we are mostly succeeding.

The minor things:

1. I am definitely interested in Daddy play and the Daddy energy I have. That I do think I can be good at and succeed at. I will continue to pursue learning and experiences in this area.
2. I definitely have a sadistic side and will continue to feed and nurture that. Its deep and its dark and it scares the fuck out of me at times. I love it and cannot imagine myself without it.
3. I am going to continue in therapy and work on myself. I call my brain broken a lot, it isnt, its just wired differently. I need to figure out how and how to work with it instead of giving in to it or working against it. I should have done this a very long time ago.

This is only a partial list, I guess. Changes seem to be coming at us pretty quick around here which is good as most of them are positive. I expect there will be no shortage of stuff to write about so I am planning to continue writing, its helping me again.