A new label and other musings

I saw the therapist today. Im starting a new type of therapy Thursday, a more intensive type than what I was doing. This comes from being given a new diagnosis and having a new label slapped on me by the doctor and therapist.

Borderline Personality Disorder with added Psychopathies.

I'm still not totally sure what that means but its sort of scary how well I fit the profile for it. The therapist started asking me questions and it was like she was describing the inside of my brain almost perfectly. My thoughts, my actions, what it was like when I went off my meds, everything. It was a little scary. But then I thought about it and asked her if it felt that way should I be more encouraged than worried because there was a definite way to help it. She agreed and said that on a scale of 1-10 my particular case would rank about a 5 based on what she has seen so far and saw before when I was in therapy for her. This was after we talked last time for almost an hour about me being off of Citalopram and what that was like.

The new therapy I am starting is called Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). It focuses more on emotions and actions and how they affect each other and getting them all under control using real world exercises and practices. On the surface it sounds like pretty much exactly what I need. Im really hoping I can get into it and do well, I think I can. Im sure there will be further updates as things proceed.


Amy had her birthday on the 21st. There was a slosh that night and we went and she got spankings. There were three friends there that she wanted spankings from as well as me, so we made it happen. I figured we would do it over in a corner or on a St Andrews Cross that was unoccupied along a wall but my brave girl chose to do it right on the stage in front of everyone. She told me today that she was scared shitless and I agreed that she had a good reason to be but told her that I was very proud that she did it anyway and got through her fear. She has been doing VERY well at that since she started trying to. I am proud beyond words and am enjoying watching the process very much. Its like she is a whole new person at times.

I have decided that I want to do a charity 5k in 2014. There is a big cat rescue center in Indiana that handles lions and tigers and such and they sponsor a 5k where you get to go behind the scenes and see the big cats as you do the walk/run. Thats the one I am aiming for and if it goes well I will probably pick a couple more and do them too. I will never be able to run 5k but Im pretty sure that with the right practice and building up I could walk it in a reasonable time. I understand there is a program called Couch to 5K and I am planning to look into that, it sounds like it would be what I need.

Its Wednesday now, I started this on Tuesday and got distracted. Watched Labyrinth tonight, thats a good movie. Jim Henson is a demented genius. And Bowie was a surprisingly good actor.

I start therapy tomorrow. I am debating writing a post every day after therapy to write about what happened that day and how its going. We shall see...