Last night...

We were sitting on the couch, she was on my lap curled into me as I held her. We were talking. I had a knife.

I flicked the knife open and moved the blade towards her face. She held still like a good girl, trusting me with her very life. We have a trust like that, its amazing. I held the point of the knife under her eye and started talking to her.

“I think Im going to carve you up tonight.” She inhaled sharply but her face didnt move. “See, the way it works is if I carve your face up you will be all ugly and hideous on the outside and no one will want you. Only I will know how beautiful you are on the inside and you will be mine forever. It doesnt matter to me what you look like on the outside, I know you.”

Her eyes shone with a level and type of love that I havent known before in my life. I honestly believed at that moment that she would let me carve her face up and keep her forever. I closed the knife, the temptation was becoming too strong for me. I love walking the edge with her but I know better than to actually put even one toe into the abyss. There lies darkness.

I ran my hands through her hair and held on to the long hair in the back. I pulled her head back, exposing her throat to me. I love her throat, it makes me want to feed. I nuzzled it with my nose and brushed it with my lips, feeling her heartbeat speed up against both my lips and my chest. I love the effect I can have on her.

I pushed her head towards mine and looked into her eyes. She gazed straight through to my soul and I immediately fell in love with her all over again. So, like most things I love, I decided to scare her more. I started touching her face with my free hand, stroking her cheeks and face.

“You know,” I whispered to her “they say the tastiest meat is always in the cheeks.” Another intake of breath as I moved her face towards mine. “I dont really need the knife, I could always just eat your face.” I sank my teeth lightly into the meat of her cheek, not biting too hard but hard enough to let her know I was really thinking of eating her face. I moved my mouth over her face, biting different parts of it and listening to her breathing become ragged and uneven. After a few bites she was breathing the way she does when I fuck her. I debated telling her to come for me, I knew she would, she’s a good girl. But I decided she was going to wait.

I bit my way across her face and, using her hair, I pushed her mouth onto mine hard. We kissed, our tongues dancing and touching. I licked her lips, hearing a slight moan when I did. I enjoy the fact that this girl becomes my puppet with very little effort on my part. I kissed my way down her neck, nibbling and then biting her collarbones, leaving teethmarks. I like marking my property, and hearing it moan when I mark it.

We are always looking for new things to do, she and I. Lately we have discovered a form of trampling. I put her on the floor and hovered my size 18 combat boot directly over her face. The urge to push my foot downward was great but again, she doesnt always get what she wants right off the bat. Instead, I moved down and stepped on her thighs. I used a surprising amount of my weight pushing the boot into her thighs, the look on her face showed me perfectly when it was getting to be too much. I pulled some weight off of her and began slowly grinding my foot back and forth across her thighs, mashing and pushing on the muscles and skin. The noises she made were wonderful.

I moved upwards to her beautiful breasts, pushing and moving them about with the toe of my boot. This made her giggle and as she did I ground my foot into her. The giggle ended with a gasp that went right to my soul. Such sweet music to my ears.

Down my foot traveled. Down to her wonderful pussy. I drew my foot back very far like I was about to kick a soccer ball and a look of exquisite fear crossed her face. Immediately her legs closed and she said “That scares me.”

“To be fair, it sort of scares me too. Its really hard not to just kick the shit out of you, I love you so much.” I told her, watching her face change from fear to bliss as I told her I loved her. Down my foot went and the fear came back as I pushed her entire body around by the pussy with my foot.

Kicks and shoves had her rolling around within a few minutes so I decided she had earned it. I stepped up towards her head and lowered my boot onto her face. My heart sped up and I concentrated on not squishing her like a bug. More and more interesting noises came out of her and suddenly I was so turned on I had to have her.

I reached down and grabbed her. I shoved her upright and then pushed her over the arm of the couch. Im not gentle with her when I want her, if I ever was she would think something was wrong with me.

One finger entered her and was quickly joined by a second. In and out, harder and harder I fucked my property. A third finger. Then I leaned over her and said into her ear “Im going to rip you open tonight.” and a fourth finger went in.

It was a very tight fit but she was really wet. I fucked harder and harder, driving the occasional knee into her thigh or ass. Im a little embarrassed to admit it, but I was having such a good time I completely forgot to give her permission to orgasm. For a long time. At one point I remember wondering if she was ever going to. I was caught up in the fog of fucking her and completely forgot. She is such a good girl that she held off and didnt come. It amazes me now to think about that, I was pretty much fucking for all I was worth.

After a few minutes I gave her a bit of a break and she commented that she really wanted to come. I came very close to laughing out loud when I realized why she hadnt. I loved it. The sadist in me was euphoric at my unintentional torture of her.

Fingers were inserted again and after a few minutes I gave her permission to come. She did immediately, again and again. Like I said, she is a very good girl. Then her nose started bleeding. I grabbed a couple of kleenex and passed them to her but didnt stop fucking her. She bled into the tissue and later gave it to me, Im looking at it now.

After a while she was back on the floor. Im not really sure how she got there. It was very close to time for me to leave her and we both knew it. She sprang to her feet and yanked her panties off and presented them to me. I took them and told her that if she could jump up like that we werent done fucking. She tried to protest that she just really wanted me to have them, but she did so while her head was being pushed back down into the couch. After two or three quick orgasms she told me that she was seriously done. She doesnt say that unless she means it, so I pulled her pants up and hugged her close to me.

We were both breathing hard and sweating. It was delicious. We shared a long hug and a few kisses and I offered to let her lay back down on the couch and I would see myself out. She wasnt having it. She walked me to the door and we kissed a little more and I promised to be careful and text her when I got home.

I did.

The plague and back to work...

The new toy, a Chromebook, is now living in a spot by the bed. I first moved it there Wednesday night when I started feeling a bit off and decided to go to bed a bit early. By mid-morning Thursday I was laid low with the plague. I figure it was the flu, my temperature topped out at 103.5 before it broke and I sent some texts and made some phone calls I cant remember much of. From Thursday afternoon till Saturday mid-day, I left the bed only to go to the bathroom and once or twice to make soup. I slept a lot and drank a ton of apple juice, orange juice and water. By Sunday morning I felt human again but I was still worried about going back to work Monday. It turned out that there were no classes at Butler on Monday so it was a nice and calm night which was good because I was in sort of bad shape most of the night. I still walked a little under 5 miles though, Im proud of that.

I got a bit off track here. The point of telling about the Chromebook living by the bed now is that its going to make it easier to write here. I can write as I am relaxing and getting ready to go to sleep, I think that will work out pretty well.

I got a little behind on the defuckifying of the house this weekend when I was sick. I caught up some tonight though, I did a bunch of dishes, including washing the jars I am going to use for the herb garden. When I start putting the garden together I am going to take pictures of the process and the plants as they grow and post them here for everyone to see. I already have plans for the herbs, including homemade butter with herbs and a few other recipes I want to try. We really need to start eating healthier again and I need to start cooking more, I miss it.

Work is still nice. Today it was decently warm until the sun went down so I got in a little walking outside. I was hoping to hear one of the owls I have heard before but I didnt hear anything tonight. When the sun started to set, I went out on the roof of the science building and took a bunch of pictures.  I also stood on the ledge and looked down into the abyss of the forest behind the building. A wise man once said "When you look into the abyss, the abyss looks back at you" and normally this is very true for me. But for some reason today the demons were calmer and the abyss didnt call to me like it normally has in the past.

I had a lot of mixed emotions about that. I immediately texted a close friend and told her what I was doing and what was happening and thanked her for being a large part of the reason the abyss didnt call so loud. We talked for a bit and it was wonderful.

The rest of the evening I walked around the 5 buildings I patrol. I heard an orchestra practicing in the music building, they sounded pretty good. Other than that not much was going on. I got home and rested for a bit just listening to some music. I thought about reading but Umphrey's McGee was calling me and I listened and cleaned a bit and now I am in bed and settling down. The sleeping pills are kicking in so I am going to say goodnight for now...

New year, new attempt at blogging

OK, so here we are. Its 2015, a new year. Its the middle of winter and I am fighting depression because its too cold to do anything and it just takes away all my energy and will to do anything. Its hard to be social but I am managing to go to kink events here and there.

All of that aside, I am starting and continuing a couple of things I want to write about. The main thing is cleaning the house. Living in a mess of a house has become a huge depression trigger for me and Im not going to do it any more. With the help of Amy, we have made huge progress on the house and I am working on figuring out a routine to help keep it that way. Routines are, I think, a key to easing my depression some. Thats my current theory anyway, time shall tell.

I looking through Pinterest a week or so ago and found a very cool idea. A while back there was a grow light for plants on the clearance rack and Amy bought it thinking it was the kind of light I could use for SAD therapy, I thought it was too but a short time with Google showed it wasnt. I had already opened it so I kept it and then I saw on Pinterest a cool thing about an herb garden. I have quite a few empty mason jars that used to be full of moonshine and the article I saw was about making a mason jar herb garden. I have a good shelf for it and can mount the grow light where it would help the herbs grow and when I harvest them I can use them to cook and make butter for the bread I bake. Plus taking care of the herbs can become a routine and that should help.

I am exercising more now. Im working with the Butler University police department through the security company I work for. I walk through all the academic buildings at Butler and my whole job is to be seen and keep an eye out for anything that shouldnt be going on. So I find myself walking between 5 and 7 miles per night four nights a week. My plan right now is to start going to the gym two or three nights a week after work and tanning and doing some weight work. Hopefully between that and the walking I can get in better shape and not hurt as much, which will also help with the depression hopefully. I weighed myself the other day and have set a goal and am planning to keep good track of my weight and start losing again.

Im also going to try and write here some more too. Once again a routine would help and I am going to try to stick to one with writing, I have seen a few books on Amazon that are full of topics to write about and I figure there have to be websites that do too, finding one and starting writing again shouldnt be too big a problem. I also saw a few books about photography and taking pictures of different things, maybe I can find a website or book about that too and combine the two. I love taking pictures and want to do more with that.

Big plans, yes, but right now I am optimistic about keeping up with all of this. I will definitely be writing and doing pictures of the herb garden idea, I really like it and cant wait to get some herbs to make butter with for people I want to make bread for. It should be cool...